Your deen – is your deen. A spouse might improve it – or they might not. Your relationship with Allah depends on you – your prayers, your #dhikr, your #Quran.
When looking for a spouse – you cannot expect them to have qualities you don’t have.
1) If you don’t have 5 prayers down – do that first. Forget finding someone to better yourself, use an alarm clock, use an app, use your friends and fix yourself. I’m sure you expect your future children to have a fundamental pillar of Islam down – but you don’t even have it down! 24 hours in a day, if you take 5 mins in each prayer (even though you shouldn’t quicken it), it’s still only 25 minutes. Allah gives you 24 hours, and you’re too selfish and ungrateful to give back even half an hour?
2) This is more for sisters who dream about their husbands having amazing recitation voices: when was the last time you picked up the Quran and recited the words so the angels could hear you. Recited – not shyly, but loudly, feeling the words hit your heart.
3) “I don’t want my wife to have any guy friends” okay cool, are you done hanging out with your coed groups too? & vice versa. But the thing is – are you really going to text “bye” to all your friends the opposite gender, the night before you wedding? Is that when you delete all the opposite gender off your facebook?
4) “I’m going to start practicing (hijaab/qiyaam/Quran/etc) after I get married in-sha’-Allah” – yeah? Says who? Is there some magic button the rest of the married couples missed out on? What if your significant other isn’t okay with how you plan on practicing your deen – don’t you think that if you want to become practicing and have someone who wants a practicing spouse – they too want someone who is *already* practicing?
5) “I want someone who cooks” – guess what. “Both genders should know how to cook because neither feminism or sexism is going to help you when you’re hungry.” – at least some basic items.
6) & For those of you who want that extra practicing person. Man, how awesome it would be to have someone who pray #tahajjud and #duha and fasts on Mondays and Thursdays and reads Quran every single day. Well – be that person. Why should Allah gift you something, where is your relationship with Allah? & Just because you may end up with someone who is on point with their nawafil – does not mean that it will for sure rub off on you and you’ll get it.
(& Since we’re on the topic – their past is none of your business. Religiousness changes – people change. None of you came out of the womb practicing your deen. Everyone has flaws. What you look at is the present. You can’t look at things that Allah already forgave. If you see someone whose pious now – why on earth would you expose a past sin – it means Allah took them in already. And if they’re worthy of Allah’s forgiveness – who are you to be judging?)
We have to all get back on track. Get back into full gear. Become this unstoppable force of nature. Go to the step you’re afraid of taking. #Fajr on time – yes. Tahajjud every single day – yes. Duha during the day – yes. A page of Quran every day – yes. Just make a list and keep checking things off. You have no idea how far you can go. It is Allah who facilitates it for you.
At the end of the day – you face Allah alone.
Your pile of deeds are not split between you and your spouse. It is your pile. Your grave. Your life. Your questioning.
#Jannah is yours – Allah talks to you directly in the Quran, to enter His garden. Just you.